The Ultimate Betrayal
by Dark Aegis
Summary: When the foundations of his ninth life are shattered, what is left? A sequel to 'Someone to Watch Over Me.' A story in three parts. COMPLETED
1. Chapter One

**Title:** The Ultimate Betrayal  
**Author:** Gillian Taylor  
**Rating:** PG  
**Characters: **Ninth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Romana  
**Summary: **When the foundations of his ninth life are shattered, what is left?  
**Spoilers:** Dalek, The Long Game, and '_Someone to Watch Over Me_'  
**Disclaimer: **Don't own them. I just like playing with them...a lot.**  
Archive:** Sure, just let me know.

**A/N:** So, blame WMR on this one. She wanted a sequel to 'Someone To Watch Over Me' and lo and behold, here it is. :) However, as a warning, Romana does not come across as a very nice character in this. Thanks to my lovely betas wendymr and nnwest.

**A/N2:** I recommend reading _Someone To Watch Over Me_ first, prior to reading through this story, but I think that you would be able to pick up the gist of the story without reading it.

* * *

**The Ultimate Betrayal  
By Gillian Taylor**

_'Little by little, it draws near.  
Little by little, it's coming here.  
Little by little, hear it sigh.  
Little by little, the end is nigh.'_

_From a Traditional Gallifreyan Nursery Rhyme_

It was inevitable that the machinery would begin to fail. There were other considerations, other needs, that were far more important than a single masking generator. However, had the Lady President known what was to come once the generator failed, she would have moved it to the highest priority.

* * *

It started with a trickle. Phantom memories teased the edge of his consciousness like half-heard whispered conversations in a crowded room. He had thought it inevitable. He had been alone in his mind for so long, eventually he would start hearing them again. His people. His planet. The Time Lords. Gallifrey. 

However, they were false. Even though the pain of the War had begun to fade, he knew that that was something he would be unlikely to overcome. He was the last. He touched his brow with a single finger, wincing at the memories.

"Doctor?" Rose asked, interrupting his thoughts.

The Doctor blinked. "Oh, Rose." He grinned suddenly, dismissing his earlier expression with ease. "Where would you like to go today?"

He knew that she suspected something was wrong, but she said nothing. He silently thanked her, for this was one subject that he did not wish to discuss. She knew, oh she knew, how he felt. She had heard him cry out in the night from the memories of destroying his home world. However, during the day the subject was taboo.

"Surprise me," she suggested.

His grin widened. There was one planet that he had never taken her to, one that had been one of his favourites in his past lives. Perhaps the tranquil setting would help diminish the haunting whispers of his people. "You asked for it." He set the coordinates and hit the dematerialisation switch with gusto. The TARDIS groaned into flight, the temporal rotor casting a bluish glow over his face to lend it a faintly sinister appearance.

When the rotor stopped, Rose looked at him curiously. "So, where are we?"

He gestured toward the doors. "Go see for yourself."

She smiled and all but ran toward the double doors. When she opened them, it revealed rolling green hills, a brilliant blue sky, and a set of ruins in the distance. "It's beautiful," she breathed.

"Welcome to the Eye of Orion - the most beautiful planet in the cosmos," the Doctor said. He was close enough to her that his breath ruffled her hair. "Guaranteed no running or megalomaniacs to stop." They both needed a rest, especially after facing the Jagrafess and dealing with Adam's stupidity.

"Really?" Rose arched an eyebrow. "Y'mean, it's like a holiday?"

"Sure, why not? Can't go runnin' from spot to spot without a break now an' then."

She blinked. "Who are you, and what have you done to my Doctor?"

"Oi! I can relax," he protested.

"I'll believe it when I see it," she retorted.

"All right then. I'll show you." He pushed her gently through the doors and reached down to entwine their fingers. "One day off comin' up."

* * *

The generator sparked.

* * *

He had to admit that, though only a few hours had passed since their arrival on the Eye of Orion, he was already getting edgy. This incarnation was not meant for staying still, mostly because staying still meant it gave his memories time to come to the forefront. He would start thinking, which would lead to remembering, which would lead to pain. The Doctor's mind twinged with the phantom pains of senses long since lapsed into disuse. 

He turned toward Rose to ask her a question just as what had once been a trickle became a stream. Flashes of voices echoed in his mind, fond recollections and hints of Gallifrey tickled his senses, and he felt that if he were to but close his eyes they would be there. His people. Gallifrey.

"Doctor? Doctor!" Rose's frantic voice cut through the sensations and he blinked up at her. Somehow, he had ended up on the ground.

"I'm...fine." He rubbed his temple ruefully as he sat up with her help.

"Like hell you are. What just happened?" Rose demanded, letting her hand linger on his shoulder.

He could not dodge the question. Knowing his companion, she would never let it rest. "I heard them," he heard himself whisper as if from a distance.

"Heard who?"

"My people. In here." He tapped the side of his head. "I felt somethin' earlier, but I thought it was just phantom pains. It comes and goes, but for a mo' it was strong enough to overwhelm me."

"Could they be alive? Maybe it's some sort of, I dunno, cloaking device. Like the Romulans from Star Trek or somethin'? An' now you're hearin' them 'cause they brought it down?" she suggested hopefully.

The Doctor shook his head, a flash of pain in his eyes. "No. I saw them die, Rose. I watched them die. I can't...no, it's not possible."

"Then what's happenin' to you?"

His expression grew grim. "I might be goin' mad. It was only a matter of time, y'know."

Rose frowned. "I don't believe it. C'mon, let's get back to the TARDIS."

The voices swelled for a moment, causing him to wince. "Yeah, all right. We can at least get to the medbay."

She helped him to his feet, wrapping her arm around his torso in support. "'Kay. Let's go."

* * *

The generator failed.

* * *

They had barely entered the TARDIS when the stream became a torrential downpour. Long disused senses sparked in unaccustomed strength and his mouth opened in a silent scream. He felt Rose touch his shoulder, but her concerned words were lost amongst the babble of thousands of voices. They should not exist. They did not exist. Gallifrey was gone. 

His tortured mind could take no more and he slumped, unconscious, in Rose's arms.

Behind them, the doors swung shut and the temporal rotor began to move. The TARDIS was in flight, yet no one was at the controls.

Weariness hung over her slender frame like a cloak as she settled behind the desk with a soft sigh. The daily pressures of running a government amongst her other, more personal, considerations were starting to take their toll. Life, she sometimes thought, had been far easier before the War and before her choice to hide themselves away from their enemies. She winced slightly at the thought. Enemies. She was counting the Doctor amongst them, yet who was to blame for that? No one but herself.

She rubbed two fingers against the bridge of her nose and focused her attention on the door as it opened to reveal her Castellan. Ashkenventraulindan lifted his hand in greeting, though his smile faded slightly at her expression. "Romana, what is it?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, Ashken. It's just been one of those days. What is it?"

"The Council has requested a meeting in a few hours to go over the agenda for next week's ceremonies. There is also something else..." His voice trailed off as he seemed to search for the proper words to continue. "The masking generator has failed."

That caught her attention as the Council meeting had not. "What?" she asked, her tone dropping to a horrified whisper. There was little doubt in her mind that the Doctor could hear them now. She had not planned on this. It wasn't time yet, and she had thought that time might never come.

"The Doctor can hear us again," Ashken said, his amiable smile fading. "He will not be pleased."

Romanadvoratrelundar snorted. "Of course he won't. Even when I knew him, before he..." She shook her head. "There is a reason he has been called 'the Oncoming Storm'. We must expect him. There is little doubt that he will be coming here as soon as he is able."

"Romana..."

"No." She cut him off. "I don't need a lecture from you, Ashken. I know what I have done. And I must deal with the consequences."

Ashken sighed. "As you wish, Madam President. I will inform you when he arrives." With a brief nod, he left the office to leave her to her thoughts.

Romana dropped her head to her hands. "I can do this," she told herself firmly, as if by saying the words she could convince herself of their truth. However, she knew that she was lying to herself.

The sound started low, gaining in strength as the fabric of reality was torn asunder. She lifted her head, her eyes widening as she recognised the unmistakable groan of a Type 40 TARDIS' materialisation sequence. Romana swallowed nervously as she stood and rushed toward the door. She had to get to it. She had to face... Her steps faltered. No, she did not rush. She did not hurry. She was the President of Gallifrey. There was no reason to quicken her pace. It did not matter if the Doctor hated her for her actions. None of it mattered. She would greet him graciously, welcome him home, and calmly accept his anger. She had her reasons. She did not need his forgiveness or acceptance of them.

She walked at a careful pace through the halls of the Citadel, ignoring the bits of rubble that were still strewn about from the Dalek bombardment. It was a point of contention between herself and Ashken, but there were far more important considerations than aesthetics. When she reached the centre of the Panopticon, her eyes were immediately drawn to the familiar features of the blue police box that she had once spent some of the best years of her life within. She drew in a steeling breath as she strode across the chamber, her shoes clicking against the marble flooring.

From behind her, she could hear the tell-tale clump-clump of the Citadel guards as they came to investigate the unauthorised landing. It never failed, even though he had thought his home was destroyed, he still caused a ruckus when he arrived. She raised her hand to knock. However, before she could do so, the doors swung open seemingly of their own accord. A rather stressed-looking blonde peered out at her, standing protectively in front of the prone form of the Doctor's current incarnation. "Who're you?" the girl demanded.

"Romanadvoratrelundar, Lord President of Gallifrey." She introduced herself, bowing slightly from the waist. "What's wrong with the Doctor?" She made to push her way past the girl, but she was immediately blocked.

"Gallifrey? That's impossible. You're supposed to be dead! An' even if you were from Gallifrey, I'm not lettin' you near him."

"Move aside, girl," Romana instructed. "If anyone'd know what's wrong with him, it would be me." The newly arrived guards moved to force their way into the TARDIS.

"I'm not 'girl.' My name's Rose. An' you can just stay outside the TARDIS. The combined hoards of Genghis Khan couldn't get in here, an' I suspect that if I close these doors you won't be able to either." Before the confrontation could downgrade further, the Doctor groaned. Abandoning her post at the door, Rose hurried to his side. "Doctor?"

Unnoticed, at least for the moment, Romana and the guards entered the TARDIS. The guards made to secure the craft while Romana moved to her one-time friend's side.

The Doctor opened his eyes, giving Rose a reassuring smile before he noticed the other woman leaning over him. "You can't...you're dead. You're supposed to be dead."

"Hello, Doctor," Romana greeted him. Stay steady, she reminded herself. Stay cold. He had wanted to destroy the world.

He shook his head in shock, wincing as his muscles protested the movement. "You...masked yourselves?" She could only admire his intellect and that his first conclusion was the correct one. "You let me think that I had killed you. You let me think that I was the last Time Lord." His eyes began to burn in anger.

"Romana!" Ashken interrupted the exchange as he darted into the TARDIS. "The...oh. Doctor."

"What is it, Ashken?" Romana asked, ignoring the glares that both the Doctor and Rose were giving her.

"The Council is demanding an explanation for the unannounced arrival," Ashken explained. "I can tell them to wait..."

"I'll speak to them shortly. Until that time, Doctor, please avail yourself of the medical facilities. I am sure that the shock of learning of our existence has affected you poorly. I will speak with you later." Romana made to leave, but her arm was grasped in a surprisingly strong grip.

"Romana, you..."

"I will talk to you later, Doctor. Guard Captain Idain, secure the TARDIS. Ashken escort the Doctor and his companion to the medical quarters," the President ordered. "Release me, Doctor. We will speak again." The Guard Captain's hand moved toward his staser, and the Doctor reluctantly released his grip.

"We will speak again, Romana. And you owe me an explanation."

"I owe you nothing," Romana replied, and left the TARDIS, holding her head high.

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two:**

There were no words for the emotions cascading through his mind. Anger did not fit it. Rage was somewhat better, but even that failed to encompass the complexity of the emotion. If it could be distilled, the vintage of the Doctor's emotion would be a harsh brew laced with bitter betrayal. The only spark of light left to him was the feel of Rose's hand within his own. He had dared, both with his eyes and the set of his jaw, for Ashken to comment. He _needed_ Rose, now more than ever. He had been betrayed by his people, by _Romana_. And the Lord President had the audacity to tell him that she owed him nothing?

He fought against the bitter laugh that threatened to emerge from his tortured soul. Of everything that he had ever imagined, the mere idea that Gallifrey survived had never dawned upon him. The memory of flames and explosions, the recollection of the death knell of his people (or so he thought), set his chiseled features into stone. Despite everything, despite his wishes to the contrary, he found himself wishing for the illusion. When Gallifrey was gone, everything had been far simpler. When Gallifrey was gone, he had not known the extent of Romana's betrayal. When Gallifrey was gone, he still had some belief in the innate goodness of his people, of Romana. Now, even that was robbed from him.

He followed Ashken, leading Rose through the halls of the Panopticon toward the medical centre. He knew that she was burning with curiosity, but she restrained herself from asking any questions. She knew him too well, and he squeezed her hand in silent thanks. "Why?" he asked.

Ashken's steps faltered and he turned to face the Doctor and his companion. "It's not my place..."

"To hell with your 'place,' Ashken! I've spent the past year thinkin' that I was the last, an' for what? 'Cause Romana said so? I just want to know why!"

"Only she can answer that, Doctor," the Castellan said sadly.

The Doctor dropped Rose's hand and strode forward, shoving his former friend against one of the walls. "I won't accept that! Ashken, we were friends!"

Ashken winced, both from the force of his impact against the wall and from the other man's words. "Yes, we were. I'm sorry, Doctor."

"Doctor!" Rose said, putting her hand onto his shoulder in a half-hearted attempt to calm him. "Please, this isn't like you."

Reluctantly, he released his grip, letting Rose draw him away. He turned his burning gaze upon the Castellan and told him in a deadened tone, "That isn't good enough."

"No," Ashken agreed. "It isn't. But that's all that I can give you." Without another word, he continued down the hallway, pausing only when he noticed they were not following him. "The medical centre is just down this hallway."

"I think I know where it is, Ashken," the Doctor replied bitterly.

"I know you do, Doctor. However, I have my orders..."

"Orders!" he shouted. "Just like it was _orders_ to keep me in the dark? Just like it was _orders_ for you to let me think that you, the lot of you, were dead?"

The Doctor heard, rather than saw, Rose draw in a breath at his words and he turned toward her. She looked terrified.

That was when he realised. She was terrified of _him_. "Rose, I..."

She shook her head mutely. Her expressive face reflected both fear and sorrow. Some of which, he was certain, was of him, but most of it was _for _him. "'Salright, Doctor."

"No, 's not." He shook his head. He touched her face in a gentle caress before pulling her into a loose hug. "'M sorry." The Doctor had never intended on her seeing this side of him. He knew, all too well, that this incarnation carried a darkness within him that was due to the events of the War. Or, considering what he knew now, that was due to Romana.

"'Sokay," Rose murmured into his jacket.

He was about to reply when Ashken's unwelcome voice interrupted him. "Doctor." He could hear the disapproval in the Castellan's tone, but he did not care. What he thought, what any of the Time Lords thought, did not matter. Not after what they had done.

"C'mon," Rose said, smiling faintly. "Looks like our guide's gettin' anxious." She pulled away from the hug and reached down to entwine their fingers.

"Yeah."

"You know that it's not allowed for a Time Lord..." Ashken's voice trailed off at the infuriated glance the Doctor gave him.

"Didn't care for your rules before, and still don't. So shut it," he snapped. "Let's just get this over with."

The Castellan looked as if he wished to say more, but he wisely remained silent. "Right this way."

He walked in silence as his thoughts churned over memories of the past year. He had spent what had seemed to be a lifetime in a glaze of pain after the war, when he had dragged himself burned and bloodied to the console and set the controls. He had hoped, since he had though that he had seen his home burn, that he too would fade. The end of the Doctor. The destroyer of homes. The destroyer of worlds. The oncoming storm. The 'winner' of the Time War. He had prayed for an end - that somehow Death, fickle though she might be, would have pity on him and let his eighth life be his last. The miracle of the Time Lords denied in punishment, or perhaps in pity, of the sole survivor of that race.

Death, however, had other plans for him. The moment he had felt the tell-tale burn of regeneration start in his cells he knew. He would live. Even Death denied him. And now? Now he realised that the reality of his life was far worse than Death's denial. Instead, it was a life built upon a fiction. He had _known_ that he had destroyed Gallifrey just as he had _known_ he was the last. There was only Rose, the light in his darkness, to keep him anchored in the storm of his existence. It was all a lie and it _burned_.

"This is where I leave you," Ashken said, bringing the Doctor out of his thoughts. "The healers will tend to your ills. Romana will send for you when she is ready to receive you." He bowed formally to the Doctor and hesitated before repeating the gesture for Rose. A moment later, he was gone.

* * *

The Council, she had long ago decided, was full of the worst stuffed shirts in the cosmos. Their inane prattling tended to give her headaches, especially when it dealt with the final events of the war. They had asked her to explain herself. They had asked her to explain why the Doctor had returned. She had found their demands increasingly difficult before she had told them, in no uncertain terms, that she need not explain herself to them. However, she knew that that would hold them at bay for only so long.

She paced her office, head bowed, as she considered both the Council's demands and the arrival of the Doctor. There were facets of herself that she was hesitant to explore, and a good number of them dealt with the Doctor. Life had been so much simpler when it had been herself and the jovial Doctor, travelling through the universe in a battered blue police box. It had been simpler before the concerns of a planet and the traitorous emotions of her own hearts had led to a decision which could not be taken back. She dodged the thought with practised ease. She did not wish to examine what had happened. The past could never be changed, especially if one was a Time Lord. There were rules, after all.

The muffled squeak of the door caught her attention and she whirled to face her Castellan. "Yes?" The word was spoken harshly, and she winced at the sound. "Sorry, Ashken."

He ran a careless hand through his dark hair and sighed. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up," he confessed.

"What do you mean?"

"The Doctor, he...Romana, he's changed. He's not the same man I went to the Academy with, and he's certainly not the man you remember."

She released a whistling breath through her teeth. "I figured as much when I first saw him. It doesn't surprise me."

"No, Romana," Ashken said firmly. "That's not it. There's more to it than just him being a different man, it's what yo...we've done to him. We changed him. And he's angry."

She caught the word change and frowned at him. "Oh, don't hold back, Ashken. You were going to say _I_ changed him, weren't you?"

"Do I have to?"

Romana sighed as she resumed her previous pacing. "I don't know. Perhaps."

"So why _did_ you do it?" Ashken asked. "Why did you do this to him?"

She whirled to face him, her face a study in despair. "I don't know! All right? I don't!" Romana exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air in dismay. "Once it was so clear. I _had_ to do it. I had to...to..."

"Get your revenge?" the Castellan suggested, wincing at the look she shot his way.

"No! It wasn't like that. He...I...It wasn't revenge."

"Then what was it, Romana? He was your _friend_. He was my friend. And we've been hiding from him on your orders."

"To protect us," she whispered.

"Don't you mean to protect yourself?" Ashken replied. He knew her, far better than any other Time Lord. He knew her wants, her desires, and her thoughts sometimes far better than she did. Yet he could not be right. He could not.

"He was going to kill us. He would've killed us. He was willing to throw it all away and for what? He was going to kill us!"

Ashken's lips narrowed as he regarded her through hooded eyes. "And he would've been right to. It was the only way possible. The only way to defeat the Daleks."

"We had ways of surviving. We had another option. We would've..."

"But _he_ didn't know that," he pointed out. "He made his choice. And, for him, it was the right one."

"I tried to tell him," she replied, dropping her head to hide her expression behind the curtain of her hair. "But the Dalek interference with our communications...he didn't know."

"We've talked of this before, Romana. And each time, you told me the same thing. You said that you would tell him, that you would bring him back. Yet, each time you had the opportunity you held back."

"What do you want from me? To say I'm sorry? Fine, I _am _sorry. I wish I had never..." She shook her head. "I wish I could take back what I had done, but I can't change the past. What's done is done."

"Then tell him that."

Romana sighed deeply and for a moment her slender frame resembled that of Atlas, bowed under the weight of the world. "He wouldn't understand it, not when I don't understand it myself."

"I think you do understand it, Romana. You just don't want to face what it might mean," Ashken replied, his eyes staring intently into hers.

"I..." She turned away, refusing to acknowledge what Ashken was trying to force her to admit. Even she did not wish to examine her hearts that closely.

"Romana, please."

"No. I don't understand it. I don't! All right?" Maybe she was living in denial. Maybe...no. She did not have to listen to this. "This conversation is over."

"You're going to have to face him," Ashken said softly. "And he's not going to accept your avoidance."

"I know. I just wish I knew what to do..." Her voice trailed off into a deep sigh.

"You can't hide forever, Romana."

She drew in a deep breath, letting the cool air fill her lungs to capacity before releasing it slowly. "No time like the present, no? Send for him, Ashken." She just wished that she could find the words to tell him the truth. Provided, of course, that she was ready to accept it herself.

_To be concluded... _


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three:**

He vaguely wondered if this was what madness was like.

For one crystalline second, everything seemed so clear. Gallifrey was destroyed, but it wasn't. Romana was dead, but she lived. He had killed them all with a press of a button; however, Death had denied them all. His life, his ninth life, was a lie. The foundations upon which he was built, the horrors of war, the depths of despair, and the memory of a better time were merely falsehoods. He had been manipulated, played like a puppet upon Romana's string and for what?

What was it all for?

"Doctor?"

Rose. Betrayed both by his memories and his people, he clung to the shreds of his sanity by the tiniest thread. He knew now, had always known, that that thread of his existence both began and ended with her. He had been alone in the universe until her. Now, he was surrounded by his people. Their mindless babble echoed painfully in his skull until he wished to scream for silence. He missed being alone in his mind, even though before it had meant Gallifrey was gone. What did that say about him when he wished for the facade to return?

"Rose." He smiled faintly at her, though the expression failed to touch his eyes.

She perched on the edge of the bed that the healers insisted he lay upon while they fussed over him. They both ignored the looks exchanged by the healers, especially since they had both fought against being separated from one another. He did not wish her to wander about his homeworld alone, especially given many of the silly prejudices harboured by many of the Time Lords. She was a human, a silly ape, but she was _his_ silly ape.

"Are you..." Her face echoed her emotions easily. He could read the uncertainty she felt; after all, what did one say to someone who suddenly found out that they hadn't destroyed the world?

Sometimes, truth was what mattered. He did not feel like hiding anymore, not now. Not after this. "Not really. 'S not like I was expectin' to wake up this mornin' and find out that I had been livin' a lie for the past year."

"It wasn't a lie," Rose insisted. "Jus' the part where you thought you were alone in the universe an' that you killed your people. An' that's not your fault."

"Isn't it, though? Why else would they keep themselves hidden away?" His eyes flashed with barely hidden anger. "They're hypocrites, the lot of them. They _asked_ for my help. I had one choice, an' only one available to me. It was them or the universe, an' I picked the universe. I'd even do it again. So how _isn't_ it my fault?"

"It isn't your fault 'cause I don't think that it was somethin' the majority of the people around here wanted. I 'eard some of the doctors talkin'. You're practically a legend around here."

His smile was laced with bitterness. "A legend. Me? I spent most of my life playin' up being the rebel. Never could tie me down, not even when they made me President. That's not legendary."

"It is to the people you've helped." Rose touched his hand gently.

All it took was a twist of his hand and once again their fingers were entwined. He could barely admit to himself that he needed that contact, especially after the tumultuous existence his life had suddenly become. "Maybe." He preferred not being noticed, fading into the background, and letting history resume its course after some fine tuning of the Doctor-ish kind. He was not legendary. He was just...the Doctor. Nothing more. Nothing less.

A cleared throat caused them both to look toward the door. Ashken straightened his back and nodded at them both, but the Doctor could not fail to notice that the Castellan refused to meet his eyes. "Romana will see you now."

The Doctor's expression grew cold. It was time for answers.

* * *

Her hearts thudded dully within her chest as she fought to retain her composure. She knew that facing him again, really facing him, would be difficult. This was what he had reduced her to - the two-bit villain to his white knight. Romana shook her head. No. She was not the villain here. She had her reasons. She need not explain anything. Not to him. Especially not to him. He wasn't even _her_ Doctor anymore. He was something else entirely.

She was the Lord President of Gallifrey. She could do this. He held no power over her. With her regal facade in place, she watched the door open. Romana barely heard Ashken's introductions because her eyes were upon his. In a single second, her self-assurances threatened to crumple at the sight of the naked emotions in his eyes. Betrayal and rage warred for dominance in his blue eyes and she forced herself to not draw in a steadying breath. She could do this.

Before she could do more than open her mouth, the Doctor spoke. His deadened tone spoke far more eloquently of his pain than any shout. "Why?"

"I do not have to answer you, Doctor." She could do this. She could be haughty. She could be above these petty considerations. She was above them.

"Yes, you do. One year, Romana. For one whole year I suffered. I thought I had killed you. I mourned you! An' what do I find? It was all some cosmic joke? Let's laugh at the Doctor, the silly bloke - he thought he had killed us! Bet you had a laugh, you did."

"It wasn't like that." She shook her head in denial.

"No? Then what was it like, Romana? 'Cause what I don't get is why you, who were my _friend_, decided to do this."

She could not meet his eyes, dodging them and the truth that burned her. Why did she decide to do it? Her eyes were caught by the equally furious gaze of the Doctor's companion. They demanded answers, answers that she had no desire to give. "There were other considerations..." Some defence she was mounting. Some excuse. Where had the Lord President gone? Was this what the Doctor had reduced her to?

"Considerations? You don't even know what I went through, Romana. You don't know what I have done since I watched you burn."

"I know, all right? I _know_ what you did." Romana folded her arms before her in an unconscious defencive posture. "I _saw_ you."

"You what?" The Doctor's tone turned deadly.

"I watched you. I watched you torture that Dalek. I _watched_ you do it! You have the audacity to point at me as a guilty party after what you've done?"

He barked out a laugh. "After what _I've_ done? _I _didn't make you think that I was dead! _I_ didn't make you think that you were the last! _I_ didn't betray you!"

"You did!" She shouted, losing control of her emotions. "You did!"

He blinked. "I what?"

Typical. It was so typical of him to not notice. He was oblivious before. Why had she thought he would change now? "You..." She didn't complete the thought, instead she piled every last bit of the frustration she was feeling into a barely stifled scream.

"Me? What? What is that supposed to mean, Romana?"

She stared at the Seal of Rassilon, her eyes tracing its familiar curves as she attempted to calm herself. This was not like her. "I made a decision, Doctor. That is all you need to know."

"No it isn't! You don't get to be evasive. You don't get that luxury. Not after what you put me through!" The Doctor's expression was thunderous.

"Yes, I do! I'm the President of..."

The Doctor cut her off. "Hail to the Chief? It's a title, Romana. Not a shield. What is this? What have you become?"

"It's not what _I've_ become. It's what _you've_ become!" Romana returned, whirling to face him.

"I know what this is," Rose said, striding forward to poke her finger accusingly into Romana's chest. "You love 'im. Or used to. An' 'cause he didn't return it, you did...what? You wanted to punish 'im? Make 'im feel what you felt? Make him feel betrayed?"

"No! Yes! No! That's not it!" How could a young _human_ read her so well? How could a_ girl _cause her fabled composure to falter?

"No?" Rose continued, a self-satisfied smile playing about her lips. "I think it is. Your reaction jus' confirms it."

From behind the girl, Romana could see the Doctor's eyes widen in shock before narrowing again in anger. He'd never realised. She should have known. Even when the answer was before his eyes he was sometimes the most blind of them all. "It's not..."

"Not simple, is it?" Rose asked before returning to the Doctor's side.

Romana watched with a pang of jealousy as they held hands. That he would chose a human over... She blinked. No, it couldn't be. Her actions. Everything that she had done since the end of the War was defined by one event in her life. That event was the moment that the Doctor had told her goodbye. She raised one finely manicured hand to her lips, her eyes widened in horror. "Oh, Ashken, what have I done?" The Doctor's blue eyes pierced her own, the force of his rage almost physical in its effect.

Ashken shook his head sadly. "There are consequences to every action, Madam President."

"Doctor, I'm..." Romana began, but he cut her off.

"No, don't apologise. There is _nothing_ you can say that will let me forgive you for this. I watched you burn. I pushed the button. I _grieved_ for you. And what do I find? It was all a lie. A nice little lie that you created all because of what? Revenge? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? _What_?" He stepped forward, his lanky form towering over her own.

She fought the urge to step back. "You were going to push the button, Doctor! You would've killed us. We had to..."

"You had to what? Hide? Sit in your lofty tower and grin in triumph as you watched me? You _watched_ me regenerate. You _watched_ me meet Rose. You _watched_ me grieve for you. You _watched_ and yet you did nothing."

"I couldn't. I shouldn't. No." Romana shook her head, brushing back her long hair with an impatient gesture.

The Doctor reached for his companion's hand, squeezing it tightly as he smiled bitterly. "I thought Gallifrey was gone. But y'know what? It almost was better that way. Because then my image of this place was better. My memories of you were better. You've ruined that for me, Romana. An' now, this is the end. I was considered a rogue before, but this time I'm doin' it for real. I give up my citizenship of Gallifrey. I am no longer one of you, because to me, you don't exist."

"Doctor, you can't..." Ashken tried and stepped back as the Doctor turned his cold gaze to him.

"I can do whatever I want, Ashken. Goodbye, Romana. And don't expect me to come runnin' to your rescue. C'mon, Rose, it's time to go home."

She stood in stunned silence as the leather clad Doctor turned his back upon her and his past. There were so many things that she should say. There were so many things that must be said. However, she knew that none of them would have any effect. Ashken had been right. By keeping their existence from him for so long, he had changed in ways that even she could not predict. He was not the Doctor she knew. He was something entirely different. She had created him. And now he was gone.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as the familiar grinding howl of the TARDIS' dematerialisation echoed through the halls of the Panopticon.

He would never know. He would never know of her sorrow. He would never know of her regret. The mask of the Lady President of Gallifrey crumpled to reveal the aching woman beneath. She had done him wrong, and in so doing she had lost her planet's greatest champion. "What have I done?" she asked again, but no one answered. Even Ashken had gone, returning to his work as Castellan and leaving her with her memories.

So this, she realised, was what the Doctor must have felt. Despite her presence on a planet teeming with life or the low murmur of her people's voices within her mind, Romana had never felt more alone.

* * *

_Epilogue:_

'You can never go home again.'

The words played over in his mind as he dangled his legs off the edge of the cliff, his eyes trained upon a distant point though unseeing of the vista before him. The vast Yllsian ocean spread out before him, its amber hued waters crashing against the rocks hundreds of metres below. The roar of the ocean, the strange triple-toned cry of the sea birds, and the brush of a playful zephyr against his cheeks all combined into a cacophony of sound that all but pounded in his ears. However, his thoughts were not upon the sea. Instead they were trained inward to a time when 'home' meant more than a police public call box.

Home had meant family. Even though he was estranged from the Cousins at Lungbarrow it had still been his home. He had had roots, a place to go when he was ready to hang up his metaphorical hat from his life of adventure and excitement. Home had meant a planet, orbiting a distant sun, covered in purple hued grasses and bursts of meteors dancing across the sky at night. Home had meant a granddaughter, laughing her way through life - a bright spark in his existence that was tragically quenched when his life had been shattered. He could never go home again...because the home he remembered was not the home of fact.

Romana had destroyed the illusion with harsh reality. In his tortured mind, he had elevated his memories of Gallifrey upon a pedestal. The people and his one-time friends were fond recollections that could either be a soothing balm or a piercing blade to his tortured psyche. Now, the pedestal was shattered and he was left with nothing but the fractured pieces. The Doctor heaved a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose with one of his hands while the other lay haphazardly across his lap.

He could never go home again, because the illusion wasn't real.

The scrape of a shoe against gravel brought a sudden smile to his face, dismissing his melancholic thoughts with surprising ease. "Cosmic thoughts?" Rose's voice sounded hesitant, as if she were afraid of how he might answer her as she all but collapsed next to him. Their knees barely brushed each other, but he noticed her every movement.

"Hardly," he replied. "Actually, I was thinkin' about what happened."

She drew in a startled breath and he tilted his head so he could see her expression. "I'm sorry 'bout that, Doctor. I wish there was somethin' I could do. Or can do."

He grasped her hand in his own and gave it a slight squeeze. "You already are."

"I am?"

"Yeah, you're here." The Doctor smiled brilliantly at her. "'Sides, the Time Lords always were the stuffiest stuffed shirts in the cosmos. Don't need 'em. Not really. It's jus' nice knowing that I'm not the last."

"And Romana?"

A shadow of pain crossed his face. "She's the stuffiest one of the lot."

Rose sighed, staring at their entwined fingers. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault she's a git." He shrugged.

She smiled faintly. "True. So what now?"

"Hmmm?"

"'Nother adventure? 'Nother holiday? What's next?"

"I'd say..." He paused, considering the options, before he grinned. "Let's be surprised."

"Sounds good to me. Let's go home, Doctor."

He smiled at her as he shook his head. "I'm already home, Rose."

She looked faintly confused as she looked into his eyes.

"I'm with you."

_FIN_


End file.
